I already know tonight will be a sleepless night. I received a dreaded late-night/early-morning phone call this morning, informing me that my grandmother passed away. I honestly still feel like I’m in shock. A part of me doesn’t want to believe it, but the other part of me knows that no matter how much I deny myself the truth, it won’t make anything go away.

It’s so interesting how death alters your view of the world. Everyone within the immediate relation is stricken with what seems to consist of uncontrollable emotions, reminiscing, and the inability to think logically.

It hurts a lot inside to think that she’s gone, but it pains me even more to know that she passed away in the Philippines and everyone that loves her here can ill-afford the opportunity to see her for one last time. It’s also an even bigger grievance, knowing that our grandfather is also in the Philippines, and we are unable to comfort him as a family.

I’m flying my mom out here so that she can be with family during this time. As far as the rest of the logistics go, I believe we need to wait until we can all reclaim our logical ways of thinking.Selfishly, I wish that she had passed away here, rather than over there; but I’m confident that she enjoyed her time in the Philippines during her last few months.

It’s evident to me, that she set the example in my family of what it truly means to be strong willed, strong spirited, and a strong woman. This is a devastating blow for us during the holiday season, but I know that she taught us well enough to be strong during our endeavors.

May you rest in peace, Lola. I love you so much, words will never truly be able to express my gratitude for you, and Lolo. May you watch over him, as we cannot be there with him at this moment in time. Mahal Kita.