0229AM. An Epiphany of Sorts.

Random synapsis collide continuously within my brain as I try to articulate my words. We like to think we’re in control of all of these processes, but we’re not. They’re controlled by our subconscious. There are areas deep within our brains that even we have seldom access to. Try to conjure up the moment of your birth, or the warmth of your mothers’ womb. It’s  theorized that at the moment of our birth, the event is so traumatizing to us that our brain locks up the memory in a heavily fortified portion of the brain. The amygdala is like a librarian, granting access to a plethora of memories and knowledge we’ve learned over the years; however, several files are inaccessible, as a subconscious measure to control the trauma we invoke onto ourselves.

We pride ourselves in our innate ability to understand people. We tend to base this form of understanding through our own experiences, sympathizing, apathizing or empathizing to get a better grasp of the given circumstance or scenario. But will it ever be possible, as a human being to share and convey 100% of your life, your story, your perspective, your feelings and experiences with another person? We’re always so self conscious of the feelings and/or perspectives of the people around us that we become frightened. As social animals, we’re afraid of being rejected or judged that sharing becomes one of the last things we do. Instead, we learn about our environments, the people that we know and we accommodate ourselves to those norms, standards and societies. So when are we ever, truly ourselves? When we’re alone? We’re programmed to fit into society – even if the programming we choose to side with is to “not fit into society,” it’s still a part of the larger spectrum.

This longing and need to be a part of something larger than ourselves, appears to be a part of human nature. In turn, it makes sense why children are so pure. They aren’t acting in a way to fit in, but acting in a sense to only be themselves. They don’t begin to act a certain way, until their actions through our verbal reprimands, non-verbal gestures and facial expressions – imply that they need to behave a certain way given certain environments and/or circumstances. And that’s where it begins. That’s where we become prisoners of a social network in and-of itself. A social network that thrives on a common behavior, a common look, a common sense of respect – that builds up to our need to repress ourselves, because of a constant fear of being conceived as ‘abnormal’, ‘different’, ‘weird’, or ‘strange’.

But through the consistency of the people that love and care about us – those labels don’t matter.