“Friendship… is not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.”
– Muhammad Ali
You might read this. You might not. But I’m not writing this for you, but for myself. For a long time, I thought that maybe it was me, but others agree that it’s you. I can sympathize with your past though, because I didn’t have a good one either, but you’re so focused on yourself that you never really bothered to dig a little deeper into mine. Having just lost my grandfather a while ago helped clarify things for me a bit more, though. Death always helps you realize who’s important in your life, along with who (and what) you can live without.
Last week, you seemed “normal” around me asking me about when we were going to meet up to ‘talk’, but when I wanted to schedule something for the following week – you never responded to anything. How many times did I try to contact you within the past week? 4 times? Perhaps you were offended by the cold shoulder I gave you. Maybe even a little embarrassed? Maybe “shyness” is a crutch you use though, or perhaps your “shyness” combined with your passiveness and fear of confrontation make you who you are.
Regardless, I now see you as a coward. It resonates with your actions. You run away from your problems instead of facing them. Dare I say, you’re just like your father? I mean, what’s different between the two of you, anyway? Didn’t he run away from his problems too? Haven’t you abandoned your brothers just like he’s abandoned you? But maybe the alcohol helps you. Helps you to drown your sorrows. Unfortunately, the fact that you’re a child of alcoholic parents, you’re more susceptible to alcoholism, so I hope that’s not the case. But I don’t think you’ve reached the bottom yet. The bottom being where you realize how important people are in your life. So far, I believe your selfishness sees them as tools. As a temporary means of getting what you want. Although, I don’t think you realize that (yet).
I heard that you have a new girlfriend, too. That seems so soon, but I remember something you said before your girlfriend came into town: “I wanted to hang out with my friends, since I won’t get to see them while she’s in town.” It always made me wonder, why you wouldn’t get to see your friends, but it’s kind of coming together. It also makes me wonder if your current girlfriend is the same girl your ex girlfriend was asking you about. I’ll never know, but it does make sense. Maybe that’s why you were so quick to return to hanging out with your ‘disappointing’ friends as soon as she returned to Japan.
Oh well. I feel fortunate, though. The friends in my life aren’t only honest with me, but they’re also honest with themselves. Something that I don’t think you are. If they have a problem with me, I can assure you that it wouldn’t take weeks or months to talk about it. Nor would I have to constantly have to contact them just to get a sentence of response. Hopefully you are able to acquire some lifelong friends that you don’t only use, but cherish in return. Then again, maybe you’re not ready yet; but no one would know that better than your true self.