Today was an outstanding day.
Although I share alot of myself on here, I don’t think writing about today would adequately describe the overall good time I had. I do have to say that there’s a ramen shop in Seattle that serves some of the best ramen I’ve ever had in the States… Not to mention an ice cream shop that puts Stone Cold and Ben & Jerry’s to shame.
I do a lot of thinking about scenarios and situations when I’m not avidly interacting with people, and I have to say that I live to make others smile, laugh and just be happy. A lot of people tell me that I’m a nice guy, that I’m too kind, but that doesn’t really give me pleasure. I know who I am, and I know that I have tendencies that rival how people portray and/or “choose” to see me. To be quite honest, I can be quite cold and even heartless in some situations. Interestingly, I always see it as a form of tough love. I remember one of my mentors told me that if someone truly doesn’t care about you, they’ll stand by and watch you embarrass yourself. Those who care, however, will always let you know – even if it you choose to take it the wrong way.
Besides the point, I think I really enjoy helping people. I’m actually helping someone with their English at my old college’s language center, once a week. He was a Physics major and retired not too long ago from his job at Panasonic. He’s incredibly diligent and asks me a lot of questions about our grammatical usages and forms that I honestly don’t quite know how to answer myself. It’s a learning experience for the both of us, I believe. Regardless, I enjoy it a lot.
Unfortunately, I feel like my kindness is what makes me the most vulnerable. I remember in the fifth grade, I lent one of my classmates a video game in exchange to play another for a small amount of time, and he never ended up returning it. Since then, I rarely lend things to anyone, especially when it comes to people I don’t consider a Friend. Likewise, I believe that I’ve subconsciously created footnotes that help me to realize when I’m getting taken advantage of. In those circumstances, there’s always a feeling of being drained, as though they’re taking every little thing they possibly can. Then comes the lack of reciprocity, which makes things all the more obvious. I believe that’s what I enjoy the most about my friends… although I can give a lot (one of my cousins and even my ex mentioned this to me before): that I more-often-than-not, let people help me or pay me back in return. I believe my cousin mentioned this to me when we were out at dinner and she insisted on paying. I told her that I had the tab, and then she mentioned “yep, this is what I’m talking about…” referencing to my lack of desire to be in someone else’ debt. Thankfully, I let her pay the tab that night, and now we just alternate who pays the tab – every time we meet for a meal.
I think to my advantage, however, I have an extreme lack of patience when it comes to “strikes”. Most people give people the whole “three strikes” and you’re done – but I go as far as to give them only two. Depending on the person, however, sometimes I just limit it to one. I have a tendency to believe that if someone cares about who you are and what you think, the simple fact that they upset you once should hinder them from doing it again a second time. Waiting for a third time is just an ignorant move (in my opinion). Likewise, I pride myself in the infamous words of my drill instructors, “Don’t mistake Kindness for weakness.” Since the day I heard that quote, I extend a helping hand to almost anyone, but to those people who believe that all I am is a kind person – have received a startling reality check when they realize that I don’t take bullsh’t.
I believe Marine Corps General, James Mattis, said it the best: “I come in peace. I didn’t bring artillery. But I’m pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I’ll kill you all.” That guy was a hard-charger to say the least… With leaders like him, it’s no wonder Marines are to be feared by our enemies.
Anyway, I have no idea how my blog has wandered so far off track. I forgot to bring my camera for the trip today, but I’m okay with it. I don’t think I needed a camera for a day like today, since the lasting memories are even more important.
Good night all, and I hope you enjoy your Sunday.