I can’t help, but feel desensitized to a lot of things these days. It may sound negative, but I feel like it’s something most people grow accustomed to. (Some people, more than others.) I can’t help, but believe that it’s just a biological mechanism we use in order to prevent ourselves from being mentally, emotionally and/or subconsciously scarred. I feel as though much of my desensitizing comes from the result of some of my experience(s) in the Marine Corps. I can remember there were times where I made grown men and women cry, and I acted as though I had a heart of stone. Although it doesn’t always feel good to reminisce about those times, I often feel as though when someone begins to cry, I have no option but to remain solid.
For example, earlier this year, on the night I received a phone call from my aunt informing me that my grandma had passed away I didn’t shed a tear, even though I was always very close to my grandma. I feel as though at moments like that I can’t afford to lose myself in emotions (I can’t lose my bearing), because plans and preparations need to be made. At the same time I also believe that my firm belief that death isn’t the end also helped me cope with her loss.
The reason why I have come to write about this somewhat depressing topic today is primarily due to the events that unfolded yesterday at Clackamas Town Center. If you haven’t heard about it yet, you can read a short report about it on CNN. CTC is a mall that I used to work near, and used to frequent when I was younger and has grown to become a very large mall. Although I still think this is a travesty and am saddened by the events that transpired during a very busy time of the year, I can’t help but feel disgust.
The man that did this was an obvious coward. He managed to kill two unarmed people before his weapon jammed, then took his own life before he could be apprehended. Although I’m a firm believer in capital punishment, I feel as though people that perform heinous acts like this don’t deserve death, but actually deserve to live with the haunting memories of the people they shot and killed. It’s one thing to want to commit suicide, but it’s completely ridiculous when you have to take the lives of others “on your way out.”
The other thing that really disturbed me, however, were the posts people posted on Twitter (which are also linked to the CNN article). My first thought when I started to read these Tweets were: Why? Why is it that when you could potentially be moments away from death, your first thought isn’t to call 911 or the ones you Love, but to post updates about the event on Twitter?